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Its funny sometimes when I think back to when I was a kid or at least a teenager and me and my friends would always talk and try to pick up girls. It was interesting because we were always too chicken shit to ever actually try and get laid and so relationships came out of this instead, well normally at least.

Back then I was way too shy to attempt anything as is, I definitely wasn’t who I am now which I suppose can be said about anyone from the age of 17 to 24, but I always built up a “perfect girlfriend” in my head for the ideal for me and who they would be.

Back then it was a small number of requirements, obviously beautiful to me, I’ve never really cared how others saw the girl I was dating, they had to be educated and have drive, these days that’s hard to find more then you realize. They have to have amazing taste in music, movies, and be open minded to new areas of art and travel cause life gets boring if you’re not into at least trying new shit.

No drugs, even weed, I don’t put up with that stuff, it’s not fair to yourself to have to battle over a substance.

Drinking has always been tricky, I’ve never particularly enjoyed it at all for various reasons, generally speaking it always leads to mistakes even if you start our with the best intentions, it’s too damn expensive, obviously addicting, it’s too time consuming, no memory of the good things that could happen if you even could remember such things. But most importantly to me, I despise what people become when they drink, it’s always for social gain for what they can’t become on their own, say what you want, but to me I’ve never needed a drink to loosen myself up to become more social, if I am nor fun to you sober, I won’t be fun after a few drinks either, no one in my eyes ever changes into a more positive person after drinking.

But I’m not turning this into a substance abuse blog, so basically a girl who doesn’t drink or very rarely was always preferred.

Now, when I met Andi, she really fucked my shit up, but in the best possible way, the day I met her I thought and still think she is the hottest girl alive, obviously someone will disagree with me and say a celebrity is hotter and whatever the fuck else you wanna counter my opinion on, but fuck you regardless, Andi is the sexiest girl alive.

She has some pretty bad mental issues sometimes, and normally that would drive away just about any guy, but I’ve never been one to give up on someone I love and care about if I think they are worth it, so to me, her insane mental shit is weirdly a turn on, even when it gets really bad. At least she keeps my life interesting.

She doesn’t drink much at all due to bad college experiences, so this is in my favor and even still me and her will get wine once in a while and have a nice night in, that’s cool with me.

She loves all the same genres of music and photography like me, so that’s an automatic love in all matters.

And she always keeps me on my toes, so she’s pretty badass.

I’m still in love from April 1, 2011.

i fall back into this state of mind, it creeps up into my spine and grabs ahold of my life, these weeks are cursed yet im smiling and you would never notice, i put a face up that is like a wave in the ocean, you can wade through it, but it’ll push you back no matter what, this is my curse, these thoughts in my head, they kill me inside and push me further all the same, staying behind my eyes, you’ll never know, you’ll never know..

finish your assumptions, im already past this conversation, you’re trying to lay the guilt in front of my feet but i fly over your head like a bird, its no wonder you never learned to look up into the sky, i cross continents and change my own journey into new shades of birth, every time i wake up is just another day your hungover without words, we cross paths only to realize were still looking at each other just the same as we did years ago, bidding farewell and goodbye, im gone like a bird.

you cant take this from me, i gave in to you because you took advantage of me, both sides of stories aside, things will never change and im too exhausted to cry, im too exhausted to care, im too exhausted to try.

“Good Things”

I’m safe, and who ever thought that was difficult? My nerves start to feel so frayed. I’m trying to turn things around, but instead …I’ll say “Why do I feel so invisible? Good things will come my way.” I’m trying to turn things around, and I wait

‘Till the day when I stop making big mistakes And the clouds, they roll out of this whole damn state I believe in a place and I wanna go Honesty will leave me feeling livable Once I change.

Now that I’ve found some time, all the pain won’t bother me. I’ve wanted to find what my head keeps filtering.

Irate, caught in the worst storm inside of me Words start to feel misplaced. You can change what you want with your pen. I pray, as things start to feel much more possible. This time, I’ll know what to say. You can live how you want in these days.

When the way that you talk makes a history, it’s important to know why you clench your teeth. I’ll flee to a place that I wanna go With a shift in the sound that is physical Know I’ll change.

Now that I’ve found some time, all the pain won’t bother me. I’ve wanted to find what my head keeps filtering that hole in my life and how it stayed inside my limbs with something caught up in my skin And I’ve relied on that, I change.

Now that I’ve found some time, all the pain won’t bother me. I’ve wanted to find what my head keeps filtering that hole in my life, I just want it to die, it must have stayed inside of my limbs with something caught up in my skin.

Sitting by myself in my room just listening to music that makes me feel something is such an incredible feeling.

Lately I’ve been so stressed out over being 24, going back to college, and financial issues that it’s difficult for me to let go.